you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
