At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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