im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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