If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
