there's paper in my vomit.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
