i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
