wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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