i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
