im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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