no, he came in my armpit
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
