I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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