I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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