I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
