no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
