whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize