In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
