"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
