i need an iv and a liver transplant
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
