i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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