So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
