he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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