So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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