where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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