She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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