He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
