I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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