***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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