Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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