Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I love you. Go after that dick
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
