so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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