So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
His hands were made for my vagina.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
