He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
