Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
