That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize