Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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