On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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