i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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