Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
