There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my sisters under your porch take her home
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
