There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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