Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
