i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
