I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize