nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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