I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
