The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
