I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
