When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
