Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
