lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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