Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Randomize
