first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
