If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
