i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
