The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
