I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
