I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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