Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
