Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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