He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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