half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's blow job season.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize