Don't you send me to vm
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
