I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
