But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
