Im at strip club and am horny
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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