I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just gargled with NyQuil
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
