I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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