Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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