Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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