Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
