bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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