I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
