Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
