I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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