Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
