Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
