i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
