Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I intend to get homeless drunk
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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